The Pedestrian's Official Endorsement for the Prime Minister of Great Britain
SENTIMENT, liberty and opportunism have been the governing principles of The Pedestrian since its inception, aiming as it did, does, and (until the venture ceases to be profitable) will, to speak for life’s transeúntes, those marginal men and women who, for cultural shifts, ill fortune or simple lack of talent and enterprise, are exiled to life’s periphery, forced to content themselves with the few pleasures which the slow and exhaustible trickle of generational wealth permits them: to walk, to observe, and to be idle.
We will not, however, begrudge or impede the success of any member of our creed who, either through ingenuity, industriousness, or good fortune, rises to the prospect of Head of State. Were that the case, we would be able to endorse no candidate, and the country would be done for.
No, the United Kingdom of Great Britain must have its leader, and better that it should be the daughter of two teachers - the middle class profession par excellence - than the son of a busdriver, or the cuckolded husband of a Fashion Designer.
Elizabeth, in your parents we see ours reflected: two “professionals” from the lowest possible rung of middle classhood, steeped in left-wing populist rhetoric and eager to transmit it to their young daughter. And, like you, we flirted with the left in our youth. We attended those Marxist meetups, and we were disgusted by how closely they resembled a group therapy session. The professor, we suspected, might have had something intelligent to say, but that hardly mattered. Whatever had drawn that gaggle of freaks about him was detestable enough (thought we) that we should dedicate all of our strength to whatever force opposed them.
Like us you knew that the greatest transgressive act available to a young person surrounded by leftist peers was to become slightly right-wing, while retaining enough anti-establishment beliefs — republicanism, the legalisation of cannabis, and a contempt for formal education — to give you that anarchic edge. You and I would abolish organised religion, the State, and the police, were the hate we feel for them not weaker than the hate we feel for their fiercest critics — and so we defend them.
While we became logistics coordinators, data entry clerks and teachers, you made good on your word. You, like we, are unloyal to any party, but to the pleasure principle. Free trade, you know, is the basis of England’s vibrancy. It is coffee and spices, philosophical treaties and the political pamphlets; it is Harrington’s wooden box, the think tank, the Spectator podcast. It is those men and women
with hearts beating in their bosoms, with thoughts stirring in their minds, with the blood circulating in their veins, with wants and appetites, and passions and anxious cares, and busy purposes and affections for others and a respect for themselves, and a desire of happiness, and a right to freedom, and a will to be free.
You are guided, as we are, by sentiment. I know those visions of smokey coffee houses, warm with debate and paraded-around by coquettish coffee girls, run through your mind as frequently as they do through mine, and that you, Elizabeth, will deliver it for this country.
The Pedestrian formally endorses the Rt Hon. Elizabeth Truss, Member of Parliament for South West Norfolk and Minister for Women and Equalities, for the post of Prime Ministress of the United Kingdom.
The Editor — William Guppy